Ananda bliss Blog

I hear wind chimes. The music draws me outside where the cool breeze begins to dissolve me. I feel the mountains, the ocean and the desert when the wind blows strong. My eyes close and I turn to dust.

I travel to New York City for a day.
Noise is everywhere.
I divert to great food, interesting art,
New people, places and things.
My senses begin to tire. My mind needs rest.

I remember.
In the desert.
Sound is but the bird and bee.
No diversion, no attachment, no thing.
Isolation.
Emptiness.
Every cell is awake.
My mind is free.

My bucket list is almost empty. It is a good feeling. Not to plan. Not to regret. Not to hope. It is quite liberating. Really.

My mind is a back seat driver.
It will never take me where I want to go.

My heart, however, knows the road.
No rear view required.
It will take me home.

If I string enough of these together, I will have a Happy New Year!

Something is clearly changing. While I have normally enjoyed the crowd. I now observe a separateness from the company I keep. Odd. Like I am insulated. Alone, but yet, not lonely. It feels like I am caught between chairs.

The past is where pain hides. When I think back, it is rarely for the joy. Where then, is it? If not without, it must be within. And so, the “process” begins. A seeker is born. Here in the desert with so much silence and emptiness there is no memory. It is perfect to begin the process of dying to one’s past. Only then, can I truly begin to live in the now. There is no pain in the now. Only each moment as the Self within expresses. Here I can taste the joy.

Good things come in three: desolation, desert and Sat Guru = freedom.

When the urge for a desert rises up within me, I travel across the world to the Khuri Desert to find peace. A crack opens and I feel the world with total abandonment. No attachment to people, places, emotions or thought. Truth seeps in and freedom is tasted. This is what I remember.

So I notice these days something happening. Like I am turning inside out. I wonder, is this a way to air out? Get a fresh perspective, or simply a new reality.

Highs are getting lower and lows are getting higher. Desires are not so stirring and the got to do’s are not so boring. The mind is slowing down while feelings are cranking up. One foot in front of the other elicits meditation rather than anticipation. Hmmm. Everything just is.

I am made aware of the pain involved in expanding beyond what I am. Breaking new ground, letting go of control. It is in the birth that contraction is released. And with it, the fear. It is never without pain. Physical, Mental, Emotional pain. A rose in bloom.